on trauma, or the perils of online life

We hear the word trauma a lot. In the mental health world, whether or not an event qualifies as a trauma depends not so much on the event itself, but on a person's response to it. Two people can be involved in the same car crash, yet only one of them will develop PTSD. It all depends on how the scary event was experienced - the particular conditions, inside and out, and whether or not it led to a sense of powerlessness in the face of danger. 

We've all been involved in the same seemingly endless car crash since March of 2020. For some of us, those early weeks and months were disorienting and scary, but manageable. We had safe places to live and work and ideally other people to share the experience with. But for others, it was a time that can justly be called traumatic. We lost family members or friends, we had to live in cramped quarters or totally alone, and we felt afraid much of the time. Our connection to classes and other people was facilitated by a screen. But we needed so much more than that.

So for some of you, especially those that have felt powerless and isolated at various moments during the pandemic, beginning this semester with online classes might be really hard. 

Highly stressful or traumatic moments are especially vivid in our memories. All of the sensory aspects of the experience get tangled together and stored deep inside us: smells, light, who was there, what you could see. That vividness is part of a healthy response to stressful situations; we need to remember everything so we can protect ourselves in the future. But it also means you might be at home and hear your mom in a meeting in the next room, watch a professor's face freeze when the internet drops out or click to unmute yourself in zoom, and suddenly feel ill. Or anxious, distracted, sad. These everyday, normal experiences can become triggers that signal your body to respond as if the most traumatic parts of the pandemic are happening all over again. 

That's a normal, healthy thing. Your body is doing its best to keep you safe - but it sure can feel bad.

So what can you do to keep yourself in the present - which is a lot more hopeful and functional than the early pandemic - when having to live temporarily online feels painful?

Here are a few ideas:

1. Talk to yourself with kindness, as if you were your own close friend. You might say "I know you feel really anxious, and I understand why. It makes so much sense. But things are much better now, and this is only for a short amount of time. You'll be okay."

2. Take good care of your body. Your body has stored all the stress of the pandemic, and sometimes your stress response shouts for you to pay better attention and slow down. What makes you feel safe and grounded? Maybe a hot bath or shower, a walk, a big mug of tea, peaceful music, or a hug would feel good.

3. If you're very anxious, come back to the present moment. You can pick a color, and then name everything in the room that is that color. You can reach out and touch an item close to you, noticing how it feels in your hand. You can push your feet into the floor and wiggle your toes. There are lots of ways to help yourself 'be present' in the here and now.

4. Visualize. Take a few moments to close your eyes and imagine yourself in a peaceful, beautiful place - somewhere you feel safe and comfortable. Notice everything around you; what it looks and smells and sounds like. Breathe deeply and enjoy this mini vacation, allowing it to 'reset' your mood.

5. Reach out. We need social connection when we feel a lot of stress! Talk to a friend, a mentor, a family member, even a pet. A friendly, caring face can make all the difference. 

Happily the present moment is very different from what life was like in the beginning of all this. We're vaccinated, we're used to masks, we're adept with technology, we know so much more. We don't have to worry in the way we once did. It's hard right now, but we have lots of reasons to hope.

If your nervous system didn't get the memo, it's okay. 

You can remind it in a language it understands: safety, kindness, connection and care.