embracing what is

Now that we're entering the second week of classes, has the weirdness worn off?

Maybe you're a sophomore who is feeling the enormity of what it means to leave home for the first time, because when you came here last fall you knew it would only be a short time before you went right back home again. It didn't count then like it does now. 

Maybe you're a senior who has been remote since March 2020, and can't quite remember who your friends are or where you like to eat or what being a student at F&M even means. How can you feel this disoriented when it's your senior year? And how can you possibly be graduating when you just got back?

Maybe you don't feel as close to your teammates. Maybe you're suddenly uncomfortable speaking in class, when before the pandemic it was no big deal. Or the shock of seeing so many people on campus leaves you anxious; since when have we been in crowds like those during lunch at Blue Line? Everything is different now, even though on the outside it may look 'normal.' 

But what even is normal anymore?

What's normal, or better yet what's real, is whatever you are experiencing in this moment. Whatever you are feeling is real. Real and valid. 100% okay. 

If you are feeling one way on the inside and it doesn't match up with what you think should be happening on the outside, that's called cognitive dissonance. It's a state that can create a lot of anxiety. If you're feeling really uncomfortable but think you should be happy and excited to be back, you might wind up judging your own discomfort and feeling even worse. 

Our stories about the way college is supposed to be have a slim chance of matching up to the reality of what college is like right now. So instead of feeling bad that you aren't following the script, try this instead:

Take a deep breath. Or two, or five. Enough to feel settled. Then turn your attention inside and see what you find. How does your body feel? What thoughts are there? Are you tense, relaxed, worried, angry?

That's it. See what your feelings tell you about what is, rather than what should be. 

Then you have the freedom to respond with gentleness and care to what is true. Maybe you could use a good talk with an old friend, or a walk, or to reassess your work schedule, or to talk to that professor. Allow reality to guide you, rather than the anxiety of cognitive dissonance. 

It's a weird time. We all feel it. Forget normal; let's embrace the humanity of what's real.