on grieving, inside and out 3.26.21

 Dear Students,

Have you seen the Loss Board in CC? It's a place for all of us to name the person or thing or basket of things you've lost over the past year. It can be surprisingly powerful to see what we've lost written down, and to share it with others. It's not just in your head anymore; it's out in the world, in our community. It's real. 

Grief is a unique, whole-being experience. It's similar to plain old sadness, but it has its own special ache, and its own path that it invites us to walk. We can stay busy and avoid grief, we can set it aside - and we should do that sometimes, because it's too much to feel a heavy loss constantly - but it waits for us to come back. It's like a room we simply have to walk through, if we ever want to see what life looks like on the other side of it.

(Which can't and won't be the same. It will be changed, as your grief becomes integrated into who you are and you are able to carry it with a lighter heart.) 

Sharing your loss on the Loss Board is like taking one step into that room. Telling a friend about the person you love who died or the opportunity you lost or the best friend who couldn't come back to campus or the parent who lost their job is another step. Writing in a journal or participating in a grief support group is one more. These things hurt, but they also connect us to the truth about what we've lost and who we are, and the truth is powerful.

And how can you help a grieving friend? Be present as they walk through their rooms. It's so hard to do without support. Invite them to talk about their loss. Name their person or experience out loud. Check in. Let them cry without trying to make it stop. Ask them to take a walk or go for coffee. Let them know how much they matter to you. Then let them know again tomorrow.

If you are afraid of your grief room, or unsure how to help a friend as they walk through theirs, call us. We're here to help. 717-544-9051.

Warmly, 

Lauren, Susan, Katharina, Meagan, Alexis, Kelly and Gene