saying YES and saying NO 1.22.21
Dear Students,
Do you feel like the pandemic has changed the way you feel about social obligations, about how busy you like to be and how much downtime you need? We've all been forced to slow down our pace, go to fewer places and see far fewer people than we used to. It's interesting to reflect on what this reveals about what we really need, and who we really are.
Sometimes inertia sets in. We become used to the control we exert over our tiny spaces, the predictable world of our phones, and begin to feel some anxiety about seeing actual humans out in the actual world. That's understandable; many of us are out of social practice and navigating varied ideas about what is acceptable social distancing behavior right now can be stressful. That said, try saying YES anyway when a masked, physically distanced opportunity comes up. If you haven't seen anyone in awhile, say yes. If you are feeling lonely, say yes. If you're a little nervous about it, that's okay. Say yes. We need human contact!
But what if that invitation stirs up some real aversion? What if someone asks you to show up for a zoom meeting or give them a ride to Target and you just feel a big UGH inside? Maybe it doesn't feel pandemic-safe, or you are already so busy with schoolwork, or you simply don't want to.
In that case, it's okay to say NO!
It's actually great to say no in order to take care of yourself, to protect yourself from resenting the person who asked you for the favor, and to model honesty and direct communication with others. It's really hard to do, but it's worth it.
You can say, "I'm really sorry to disappoint you, and I hope you can find another way. But I don't feel comfortable giving rides during the pandemic."
Or "I know you really want me to join that club, but I feel like I have enough on my plate. It sounds great, it's just not for me."
It may stir up guilt to disappoint someone else, but we can tolerate a bit of guilt in order to avoid being silently angry at someone because we feel unable to decline their invitation, and wind up doing something we really don't want to be doing. That kind of anger feels awful inside, and corrodes the relationship. Try taking a few deep breaths, acknowledging your guilty feelings, and reminding yourself of why you said no.
The more you set boundaries, the easier it becomes. And when we do go back to 'normal' life, and the obligations start to pile up even higher simply because they can, you'll be in fighting form to say no when you need to, and protect time for YOU.
So. Do we miss you? YES!
Do we want you to call and schedule an appointment if you're struggling with boundaries, or anything else? YES WE DO! 717-544-9051
Warmly,
Lauren, Susan, Katharina, Meagan, Alexis, Kelly and Gene
p.s. We're excited to be hosting the second drop-in gathering for BIPOC students next Friday at 3 pm! We invite all interested BIPOC students to join us. Bring your perspective, ideas, questions and scheduling concerns as we plan for a supportive, judgement-free gathering that will meet throughout the spring semester. Say YES or NO to this one, depending on what you really want. 
Here's the link: https://zoom.us/j/
p.p.s. You can find this email, and all our outreach emails, archived on our Counseling Services blog.
Comments
Post a Comment